How Not To Write (AKA What To Do When You Have Writer's Block)
Stare at what you've written (or not written) for what feels like enough time to properly write something, then don't and have a dance party instead.
Read past, rejected, or pending drafts and realize that they suck.
After realizing suckage, self motivate yourself to edit meticulously for a maximum of 5 minutes, then give up.
Let weeks, months, years(?) pass without looking at your draft(s).
Use your spare time reading as many books as you can.
Have critique sessions and reviews with yourself on all the books you've read.
Read the "acknowledgements" of each book and rediscover that yes, you actually want to be a writer. Tell yourself, "if they can do it, so can I, right?"
Write one liners till they become one paragraph.
Stop in the middle of reading other writers' work to marvel at sentences and passages; Fangirl out loud.
Follow all your new hero authors on Twitter (if they're alive). Bonus: tweet them - if they interact with your tweet, GO AND WRITE!)
Turn that one paragraph from #8 into two paragraphs
Stalk your old writing mentor/college professor online. See that he is now officially like a real, legit, writer writer and is doing BIG things! Smile as you read his achievements and positive reviews of his work.
Get sentimental as you remember years ago asking mentor in #12 to sign your copy of his book and he wrote, "Your writing deserves to be shared with the world."
Try not to cry as you remember yourself trying not to cry when you read note in #13 for the first time later that week.
Revisit that draft you initially cared about. Feel good about it, pump yourself up, and add to it.
Search for lit mags to submit to, but don't be too judgy or overly specific.
Read a few of their past issues and be amazed that the competition is FIERCE - but not always.
Tell yourself that you could very much be amongst the fierce writers.
Don't try make your writing fit in a box just because some publications have themes or certain styles that they want.
Be protective of your writing - defend it and fight for it because it's yours (but also learn to know when to trust your gut or someone else's suggested edits).
